whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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