You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
