I think i sorta joined a cult last night
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
