why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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