Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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