Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
