Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize