YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
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