Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
