i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
3pm strippers are depressing
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
