And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
