I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
