I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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