Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
