I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
