What did we do last night that was yellow?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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