my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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