ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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