Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize