I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize