he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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