Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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