Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
operation have a gay friend backfired
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
