i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
don't judge my taste in strippers
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize