So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
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