I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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