I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
