oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just high enough for therapy.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
