i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
