What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
