If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
