We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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