All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
do herpes really smell.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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