Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
