It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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