i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
