I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
