ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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