today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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