I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
