I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
