I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
