I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
