at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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