dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
