I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
