remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
