some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
