she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
