My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
my liver is dry heaving
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize