apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
