She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
