So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just high enough for therapy.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize