Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
