Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she told me i tasted like america
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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