She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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