The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Randomize
