Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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