Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
