I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
where are my eyebrows?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
