im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
