hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
