I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
