highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize