Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
