fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
