ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Randomize