Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize