Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
