the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
