And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
