If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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